Music

String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune." 

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A violinist says to his wife "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin."
His wife replies "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"

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A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah. He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. The conductor asked "Would you like a moment to tune?" The bass player replied with some surprise "Why? Isn't it the same as last year?" 

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Lute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune. 

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The audience at a piano recital were appalled when a telephone rang just off stage. Without missing a note the soloist glanced toward the wings and called, "If that's my agent, tell him I'm working!" 

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A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."
The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says "How did you know?" The store owner says "That `big red accordion' is the radiator." 

Source: Vesel